I remember sitting at a signing table with an older client who was about to make a pretty significant change to her estate plan.
The documents were prepared.
The names had been confirmed.
The provisions had been reviewed.
On paper, everything was ready.
And yet, something didn’t feel right.
Not because the documents were wrong.
Because we had spent a lot of time talking about what she wanted to change.
But I realized we hadn’t really talked about why.
That question can be easy to overlook.
Someone says they want to remove a child as a beneficiary. Or change a trustee. Or leave a substantial asset to someone who wasn’t previously included.
And the natural questions become:
What do you want the new plan to say?
Who should receive what?
Who should be in charge?
Those are important questions.
But sometimes the most important question sitting at the table is much simpler:
Why?
The Question Behind the Change
I asked her to tell me what had led her to make the change.
She didn’t give me a one-sentence answer.
She told me a story.
There were family dynamics. There were old hurts. There were things that had happened over the years that I hadn’t understood simply by looking at the estate plan.
And as she talked, the reason behind her decision became much clearer.
That conversation wasn’t about trying to talk her out of what she wanted.
It wasn’t about deciding whether I agreed with her.
It was about understanding her.
Because when you’re helping someone create or change an estate plan, you’re not simply filling in blanks on a document.
You’re putting someone’s decisions into writing.
And those decisions can become incredibly important years later—especially when the person who made them is no longer around to explain them.
Fast-Forward to After Someone Dies
This is where estate planning and trust litigation can intersect.
Imagine a parent changes a trust shortly before passing away.
One child is suddenly disinherited.
Another child receives substantially more than expected.
A new person is named as trustee.
Maybe there’s a new beneficiary who wasn’t previously part of the plan.
After Mom dies, the family starts asking questions.
Why did she do this?
And suddenly, everyone has a different answer.
One sibling says, “Mom told me for years she was going to do this.”
Another says, “That isn’t what Mom wanted at all.”
Someone else says, “She was being influenced.”
And another says, “She knew exactly what she was doing.”
The document itself may tell you what Mom decided.
It may not tell you why.
That’s where things can become complicated.
The Importance of Capacity and Undue Influence
When an estate plan is challenged, questions about mental capacity, undue influence, fraud, mistake, and suspicious circumstances can become important.
But here’s something I think is often misunderstood:
The fact that someone made an unexpected estate planning decision doesn’t automatically mean something was wrong.
People are allowed to change their minds.
They are allowed to make unequal distributions.
They are allowed to forgive one child and not another.
They are allowed to leave their house to a friend instead of their children.
The question isn’t whether everyone else thinks the decision was fair.
The question is whether it was their decision.
And that’s why understanding the reasoning behind a significant change matters.
Good Estate Planning Requires More Than Good Documents
One of the things I have learned over the years is that some of the most valuable work we do happens before a client ever signs a document.
It’s the conversation.
It’s asking the follow-up question.
It’s noticing when something is different from the client’s previous plan.
It’s giving someone the space to explain what has changed in their life.
Sometimes the answer is incredibly simple.
“My daughter has taken care of me for the last ten years. I want her to have the house.”
Sometimes it’s complicated.
“My son and I haven’t spoken in five years, and I don’t want him involved in my estate.”
Sometimes there’s a family story underneath the decision that nobody else knows.
And sometimes, the explanation raises more questions that need to be explored before anything is signed.
That’s okay.
That’s the point of asking.
Don’t Just Ask What. Ask Why.
If you’re updating your estate plan, particularly if you’re making a major change from an earlier plan, don’t be surprised if your attorney asks you some questions that feel personal.
They’re supposed to.
A good estate planning conversation isn’t just:
“Who gets the house?”
It’s also:
“Why?”
“What’s changed?”
“Tell me about that relationship.”
“Why do you want this person in charge?”
“Why now?”
Those conversations can help make sure your estate plan reflects your actual wishes—not someone else’s expectations, pressure, or assumptions.
And if your family ever has to look at that plan after you’re gone, the more clearly your intentions were understood and documented, the less they may be left trying to reconstruct your wishes from memories, arguments, and competing versions of the truth.
Because ultimately, estate planning isn’t just about deciding what happens to your stuff.
It’s about making sure your voice is still heard when you aren’t there to speak for yourself.
And sometimes, the most important thing we can do at the signing table is stop for a minute and ask:
“Why?”
